People-pleasing describes repeatedly organising your behaviour around keeping others comfortable or approving of you, even when your own needs, preferences or judgement are being set aside.
Being kind isn’t the problem. Feeling unable to be anything else may be.
You said "whatever works for you" before checking what worked for you.
Perhaps it truly didn’t matter. Perhaps you had a preference and didn’t want the inconvenience of someone noticing it.
Later, resentment arrives and seems disproportionate to one small choice. It may be responding to how many choices have followed the same arrangement.
The Sensual Hero’s Journey explores roles and needs in guided seven-day books such as That’s Not Me and Living on Love Crumbs. The Creative Hero’s Journey meets the pattern where your project keeps receiving the time left over after everybody else is satisfied.
You can remain thoughtful without making your own experience the only one nobody has to consider.
Approval explores what acceptance has come to mean. Assertiveness gives a preference words before resentment has to speak for it.
Noba’s Self and Identity, by Dan P. McAdams, provides background on roles and self-descriptions. It is relevant when being agreeable has become not just something you do, but who you feel required to be.