What if half your personality is just what worked?
Maybe those qualities are real.
The easy one. The capable one. The low-maintenance one. The one who never makes a scene.
Maybe you really are kind, thoughtful, strong and independent. And maybe those qualities became so useful that other parts of you stopped getting a turn.
That’s Not Me takes you into the old rules that can harden into identity: be good, be useful, be desirable, need less, keep the peace.
Here, you get to ask what still feels like you. And what it costs to keep being the person everybody knows.
Who were you not allowed to be?
The angry one? The needy one? The sensual one? The one who said no? The one who wanted more?
There is a difference between choosing kindness and being unable to disappoint anyone. Between enjoying independence and being unable to ask for help. Between feeling calm and becoming unreachable.
The difference often appears in an ordinary moment. You agree before you know your answer. Make a joke before anyone hears the hurt. Explain your boundary until it sounds optional.
This journey helps you get close enough to notice that moment.
Who annoys you?
The loud one? The selfish one? The person who changes their mind without submitting a defence?
Sometimes a strong judgment points towards a quality you were never allowed to explore. It is a question worth asking gently: what permission might be hiding inside your irritation?
Testimonials
A book you experience
Across seven stages, you follow the movement from reward to rule, from rule to role, and from recognition towards a choice of your own. Camilla’s voice accompanies the reading, writing and body maps, giving you time to notice what a familiar answer feels like before you repeat it.
What you may begin to notice
Where you edit yourself to remain acceptable.
Which qualities feel chosen and which feel compulsory.
What gets softened out of your voice.
The grief for parts of you that had too little room.
A preference you can begin to act on.
Four capacities you’ll practise
These are the five skills this journey focuses on. Follow each link to explore its place in the I AWAKE capacity system.
Role recognition
Notice when a familiar role takes over before you have checked what you want.
Identity & self-recognitionInherited-belief discernment
Question the rules you absorbed about goodness, belonging and what you are allowed to need.
Cultural patterns & inheritanceSelf-definition
Find language for yourself beyond what other people praise or expect.
Identity & self-recognitionApproval-pattern awareness
Recognise when being liked starts shaping your answer.
Attachment & emotional hungerAuthentic choice
Practise a response that includes your actual preference.
Self-trust & agency
A structure that gives you room
Each stage gives you a way in, space to explore, and a way to close. Begin with the opening guided recording, where my voice and music I composed especially for the I AWAKE universe help you notice your body’s responses alongside thoughts and feelings. Read the day’s chapter. Explore three writing prompts and a body map as the fourth prompt, then return to the closing guided recording.
The rhythm becomes familiar as the questions deepen. Take one stage a day, stay longer with a chapter, or pause and return when you have room. You decide the pace, darling.
Listen to how it feels when I guide you.
Hear what it feels like to be guided.
Questions
and answers
You can value your kindness, competence and independence while exploring whether you still have a choice about them. The book invites curiosity about your adaptations, with respect for what they helped you navigate.
Knowing the label is a beginning. This journey follows the small moments that keep the pattern going: the quick agreement, the softened sentence, the preference you dismiss. Those are moments you can practise meeting differently.
It also explores being relentlessly capable, private, impressive, funny, self-contained or difficult to reach. Any role can become restrictive when belonging seems to depend on never stepping outside it.
No. The seven stages give the journey its sequence. You can take a stage each day, give a chapter more time, or pause and return. There is no deadline.
Give yourself time for my recorded guidance, reading, writing and body map. The books suggest that a couple of hours per stage can work well if you have that space. You can also spread a stage across more than one sitting.
It is a guided experience with chapters to read, specific writing prompts, body maps, my recorded guidance and music composed especially for the I AWAKE universe. You have a structure to follow, with room for your own responses.
Sensuality here includes your capacity to notice, feel, receive and respond through your body. Sexuality can belong to that experience, alongside touch, pleasure, emotion, presence and ordinary life.
You can begin with the journey whose question feels closest to your life. Each book offers its own sequence. The wider series gives you other places to explore when you want them.
This is an educational and reflective experience. It can sit alongside other forms of support, but it does not diagnose, treat or replace therapy or medical care. You can pause a practice whenever you need to.
Choose print and your physical book will be sent to you. Choose digital and your book will be available in your digital library immediately after checkout. You can read it directly in your library. With either edition, you’ll receive an email immediately after checkout with your access link and login details for the course platform, where my recorded guidance, the accompanying music and your course material are available.
What’s inside
Eight chapters. Seven stages to explore at your own pace. The final chapter is an integration imaginal journey, giving you space to bring the experience together.
Each of the seven stages includes:
- An opening guided recording with my voice and music I composed especially for the I AWAKE universe.
- The day’s chapter to read and explore.
- Three writing prompts, with space for your responses.
- A body map as the fourth prompt, to notice and record what you feel.
- A closing guided recording.
The pace, pauses and sequence of the guidance are deliberately chosen to help your nervous system settle. They give you time to notice your body’s responses alongside your thoughts and feelings before continuing with the reading and your own reflections. On the course platform, you can also choose to play the separate background music while you read and answer the questions.
You also receive The Circle, the guided imaginal journey for integration, and a longer guided practice to return to whenever you want time with yourself.
A substantial book, made to spend time with. The printed edition pairs premium, thick cream pages with full-colour illustrations and easy-to-read 15-point type. There is ample space to write, explore and doodle in the margins. Room to make this book your own.
If I were you, I’d want a sample first.
Enter your email to receive access to the first 50 pages for free in your digital library. We’ll email you a link to sign in and read your sample on the website.
Room for your experience
You shouldn’t have to translate yourself to feel seen.
There is room here for different genders, relationships and ways of moving through life. Whether you tend to reach, withdraw, over-give, stay guarded or become the one who handles everything, you can begin with your own experience.
This experience is for you if…
- You are praised for being easy, capable or understanding, and privately feel exhausted by the role.
- You often discover what you wanted after you have agreed to something else.
- You want to recognise yourself beyond your usefulness to other people.
Each of the seven stages includes
- An opening guided recording with my voice and music I composed especially for the I AWAKE universe.
- A chapter with a specific theme to explore.
- Three writing prompts to bring the material into your own experience.
- A body map as the fourth prompt, to notice and record physical responses.
- A closing guided recording to return to the body and meet what has come up with care.
After the seven stages, continue with The Circle, a guided imaginal journey for integration. A longer guided practice is also included for you to return to.
Continuing with Aurora
Would you like company as you continue?
Aurora is the I AWAKE practice partner, designed to help you explore the book’s questions and bring the practices into daily life. She is currently available by invitation. Join the waiting list for information about access connected to your journey.
Aurora access is separate from the book, guidance and music access described here.
What parts of you are still waiting for a turn?
You’ve spent enough time becoming who you needed to be. Maybe it’s time to hear from the rest of you.
Prefer another retailer?
Choose your edition
Printed book + guidance and music
Your printed book includes access to my recorded guidance, the accompanying music and course material. Immediately after checkout, you’ll receive an email with your access link and login details for the course platform, where you’ll find my recorded guidance and the music that accompanies it. You can listen to my guidance and the music while your book is on its way.
Digital book + guidance and music
Your digital book will be available in your digital library immediately after checkout. You’ll read it in the library. You’ll also receive an email immediately after checkout with your access link and login details for the course platform, where you’ll find my recorded guidance, the accompanying music and course material.
Testimonials
