Values are qualities, principles or directions that matter to you and can help you decide how you want to act.
They aren’t only achievements to complete. Honesty, care, creativity and fairness can be expressed in many different actions, sometimes imperfectly.
What do you want this choice to stand for?
You value generosity. You also value honesty about what you can give.
Saying yes while privately resenting the whole arrangement may not serve either as well as a clearer limit would.
I AWAKE’s books explore what matters alongside the feelings, bodily responses and circumstances involved in acting on it. The Creative Hero’s Journey also asks whether an ambition is yours or mainly an impressive answer to somebody else’s question.
A value can guide a difficult choice without making the choice painless. Caring about something doesn’t remove every cost of living in accordance with it.
Values conflict looks at situations where more than one important thing is at stake. Intention gives a value a particular action to meet.
Russ Harris’s The Happiness Trap worksheets (PDF), accompanying The Happiness Trap, includes exercises for clarifying values within acceptance and commitment therapy. It is a practical resource for distinguishing a valued direction from a result you can simply tick off.