Smell your undies

Yes

Your private judgements.

Your need to be liked.

The little thrill of being the one who copes.

Come closer to the things you usually tidy up before anyone sees them.

Some of what you find may still fit.

Some may have been handed to you so early that you never thought to check if it ever did.

Meet the dragon at the gate

Be useful. Don’t ask too much. Stay impressive. Never give anyone a reason to leave.

Which one of these rules governs who you allow yourself to be?

Some of those rules may have helped you find acceptance, avoid conflict or make your way through a difficult time. Questioning them can feel disloyal to the person you worked so hard to become.

In this destination, Smell your undies, the dragon guards the entrance because the first thing you meet here is the part of you that decides who you’re allowed to be.

Who annoys you?

Start there

Someone asks for help. No apology. No speech about how hard they tried.

You think: Must be nice.

Perhaps they’re being inconsiderate. Perhaps they’re doing something reasonable that you never permit yourself.

That difference is worth a closer look.

The pet peeve mirror

One ordinary irritation. A few revealing questions. One thing you could ask for, allow or protect.

In this free practice, I invite you to notice a familiar irritation, describe what happens and explore what it may reveal about a role you have learned to play.

✨ Opening and closing recorded guidance with my voice and music composed especially for the I AWAKE universe.

✨ Teachings and questions that help you examine what you have come to treat as normal.

✨ Invitations to explore your own responses in a journal or notes file.

Read the practice in your digital library and follow the links to the guidance. You also receive the corresponding sample from That’s Not Me in your library.

Sometimes it's wise to disobey a rule

Sometimes strength is ask to for help before you’re exhausted.
Sometimes integrity asks you to let “I can manage” and “I’d like some help” both be true at the same time…

Explore the capacities that help you recognise an old rule and give yourself another option.

Stay with the question

A practice, like the pet peeve mirror I offered you earlier, can reveal a particular moment.

A longer read gives you time to consider how it fits into your life.

These essays from our Reading Room explore the expectations we absorb, the ways we seek acceptance, and what happens when a familiar role no longer leaves enough room for the person living inside it.

The Court Is in Session, and Everyone Is Imaginary

An imagined audience can edit a life before anyone speaks. Meet the Inner Courtroom and learn how shame, anticipation and belonging shape decisions.

Who Is Still in the Room When You Make a Choice?

Family rules can outlive the household that taught them. Learn how roles, loyalty and emotional systems keep shaping adult choices without becoming destiny.

When Kindness Becomes a Disappearance

Care for others is not the problem. The question is whether kindness still includes your own reality. Learn the signs without pathologizing generosity.

Recognising a rule is a beginning

Having another option when it matters takes practice.

You might notice the automatic “I’m fine” and give a more accurate answer. Ask for help before you’re exhausted. Let someone hear your preference without disguising it as a joke.

Who else could you be?

The capable one who can ask for help?

The kind one who is fine with having to disappoint someone?

There is room to value who you’ve become while getting curious about the parts of you that haven’t had much say.

Keep the kindness. Enjoy your competence. Love your independence.

Let yourself have a preference, a limit and someone to lean on too.

That’s Not Me by Camilla Wellton, I AWAKE Sensual Hero’s Journey book cover

You’ve noticed one rule. You may begin to hear others.

The easy one who can’t object. The independent one who struggles to say, “I’d love you to stay.”

That’s Not Me takes you through seven guided days of exploring the roles you’ve learned and the parts of you that haven’t had much say.

Writing, reflection, body awareness and my recorded guidance with original music help you bring those insights into your life and practice applying them.

There’s a word for that

Sometimes a word helps you recognise an experience you’ve been having for years.

Adaptation. Belonging. People pleasing. The roles you take on and the parts of yourself you find harder to accept.

These glossary entries explain useful distinctions, with examples you can relate to your own life. 

Cultural inheritance

Cultural inheritance is the language, customs, values, stories and expectations you receive from the social worlds you belong to.

People-pleasing

People-pleasing describes repeatedly organising your behaviour around keeping others comfortable or approving of you, even when your own needs, preferences or judgement are being set aside.

Role

A role is a familiar way of behaving in a relationship or setting, shaped by what you and other people expect from you.

Being easy to love can get expensive...

Especially when it means asking for very little.

Next destination on the Sensual hero’s journey, Only Prey Pray for Praise, explores what you receive, what you need, and what you do to keep the connection.

Person reading an I AWAKE book

Not sure where to begin?